Sunday, May 14, 2017

What Would Happen If Donald Trump Really Did Shoot Somebody in the Middle of Fifth Avenue

The press has taken at least one of Donald Trump's statements seriously but not literally, his comment that he could shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose any votes.  No one expects him to literally get away with murder.  (Although his hero, Andrew Jackson did).

But the latest uproar has led me to consider what would happen if he did.  This is what I imagine:

First of all, Trump would indignantly, and to all appearances sincerely, deny having done anything of the kind.  That footage showing him do it was all "fake news."  All those witnesses who saw him are aid shills for Obama/Hillary/Soros/whoever.  And the forensic evidence that traces the bullet to a gun registered to Trump and bearing his finger prints is not really the issue.  The issue is New York's unconstitutional gun registration laws that violate the Second Amendment and without those laws there would be nothing.

Meanwhile, Steve Bannon would boast that shooting someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue was a glorious strike against the Manhattan elite and everyone in Real America appreciated it.

A massive cacophony of mutually contradictory accounts would emerge from the White House.  Sean Spicer would hide in among the bushes to avoid the press until he got the official line.

Fox New would do its best to poke holes in the case against Trump.

Mainstream reporters would fan out into Trump country and find that Trump's act of shooting someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue was widely popular among white, rural blue collar voters in the Midwest.

Polls would show that 70% of Trump voters believes that he never did it, while 70% approved of the shooting and an extraordinary 50% both believed that Trump never shot anyone and approved of his doing so.

Rush Limbaugh would cackle and rub his hands together with glee, pointing out how much shooting someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue offended liberals and broadly imply, without actually saying, that if murder offends liberals, it must be good.

The NRA would proclaim the whole thing a fine example of a good guy using a gun and therefore protected by the Second Amendment.

Alex Jones would spin an elaborate conspiracy theory that the whole incident was a false flag.

Outraged Congressional Democrats would demand his impeachment, saying that murder was an impeachable offense.  Nervous Congressional Republicans would say that murder was purely a private indiscretion not affecting Trump's public duties and therefore not impeachable.

Paul Ryan would earnestly proclaim that, without going so far as to condone Trump's actions, he did not see how they affected his public duties and were therefore not an impeachable offense.  Trump would indignantly tweet, "I stand up for regular Americans against the Manhattan elite and Paul Ryan doesn't 'condone' it.  Sad!"  Paul Ryan would quickly fall into line and insist that just because he said he didn't condone Trump's actions did mean he thought Trump did anything wrong.

And Wise Men would solemnly shake their heads and say this just doesn't look the the final outrage that turns Trumps followers against him.

But let's focus on what is really important.  At least Donald Trump never sent State Department e-mails on a private server.

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