Saturday, April 14, 2018

Republicans are Playing Fizzbin with the Budget

At least we got a tax cut
So what is fizzbin?  Well, fizzbin is sort of like Calvinball if Calvinball was played with cards, and why shouldn't it be?

Captain Kirk explained the rules to three gangsters with sub-machine guns:

KIRK: The name of the game is called, uh, fizzbin.
KALO: Fizzbin?
KIRK: Fizzbin. It's not too difficult. Each player gets six cards, except for the dealer, uh, the player on the dealer's right, who gets seven.
KALO: On the right.
KIRK: Yes. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.
KALO: On Tuesday.
KIRK: Oh, look what you got, two jacks. You got a half fizzbin already.
KALO: I need another jack.
KIRK: No, no. If you got another jack, why, you'd have a sralk.
KALO: A sralk?
KIRK: Yes. You'd be disqualified. You need a king and a deuce, except at night of course, when you'd need a queen and a four.
KALO: Except at night.
KIRK: Right. Oh, look at that. You've got another jack. How lucky you are! How wonderful for you. If you didn't get another jack, if you'd gotten a king, why then you'd get another card, except when it's dark, you'd give it back.
KALO: If it were dark on Tuesday.
KIRK: Yes, but what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds in getting a royal fizzbin are astron. Spock, what are the odds in getting a royal fizzbin?
SPOCK: I have never computed them, Captain.
KIRK: Well, they're astronomical, believe me. Now, for the last card. We'll call it a kronk. You got that?
KALO: What?
Kalo now being completely confused, the party takes the opportunity to overpower him and the other sub-machine gun wielding gangsters.  (Don't try this at home).

So, let's play fizzbin with the budget.  Each player gets an uncertain but very large number of cards.  These cards stand for spending and revenue.  The shortfall of spending compared to revenue is called a "deficit."  Except when it's caused by deliberately cutting revenue, in which case it's called "skranch."  The object of the game is to get rid of the deficit.  A skranch, no the other hand, is just fine and does not have to be cut at all.  Unless a Democrat is in the White House, in which case the skranch turns back into a deficit and must be cut at all costs.  Unless the cost is restoring the revenue you deliberately cut while the Republicans were in power.  That would be a disaster.  And remember, if by some miracle the Democrats actually do get rid of the deficit, that is no obstacle to Republicans running up a skranch.  Then you can turn it back into a deficit next time the Democrats come along.

Come to think of it, this doesn't really sound like fizzbin.  The rules in fizzbin were were completely arbitrary, but at least they pretended to be randomly arbitrary.  They were not in obvious bad face, merely deliberately confusing.  To get the the level of bad faith Republicans play with the deficit, you really need to go back to Calvinball.



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